MERA BHAI BADAL GAYA!

“Shaadi hotey hi badal jayega pukka” (he will surely change as soon as he gets married) This is how most of the people congratulated me or rather warned me when my brother got engaged two years back. They were not derogatory wishes but these wishes were very different from the wishes I got when my sisters got engaged or married. I don’t know whether it was the availability of too much free time or lack of interest in the work which I was doing that made these wishes echo in my head repeatedly. I just started thinking randomly about marriages, functions, relatives, wedding preparations and then I realized, that the atmosphere, the vibe, and the way people take the marriage of a girl in society is very different from the way people take marriage of a boy.

When it comes to a daughter, a sister, or any girl getting married in the family, there are always a lot of emotions involved. There are concerns about how her life will change completely. How she is going to start the most beautiful journey of her life and yet it will be full of challenges. How she will have to leave her parents, adjust to the rules and traditions of her in-laws, change her schedule, change her priorities, and basically change herself, too. And I do agree with these. But there is something I don’t agree with. The changes a girl has to face are undoubtedly not easy, but it’s funny when people say marriage is easy for a boy! It’s sad how people think only girls will have to do all the adjustments and there is no change in the life of a boy. You know, change is always terrifying! And I don’t understand why this transition has been declared as fearful for one gender and fun for the other gender.

We are always vocal about the changes in the life of a girl, but we never talk about the changes a boy deals with. I don’t know how tough it is for a guy, maybe only guys can answer that, but I know for sure that they struggle too. A guy has to change his lifestyle too, he loses his independence too, he has to accept the fact that his room where he lived alone, he chilled alone, will no longer be his alone, he has to share his finances and take care of somebody else too, he has to give up on his friend’s time too and sadly his childhood dreams too. The future and prosperity of the family he has started becomes solely his responsibility. Yes, with more women working, couples do share financial responsibilities now but still, we females have this luxury where we can work if we wish to, and if we choose to not work, nobody is going to force us or question us. It will be our decision and our choice. But just imagine, does a guy even have the option to choose? A guy can somehow manage these things, but now comes the bouncer, which he can’t dodge. He has to forget about himself and think of two females who are in the most emotional phase of their lives. One has left everything to be with him and expects to be his priority, she expects him to give his undivided time and attention, and the other one fears getting replaced as her baby boy who was brought into this world by her, is starting his world, which will bring a lot of change in their bond too. You know, somehow if the wife and mother don’t get along, it’s the guy who suffers the most and not the other two females. He starts feeling helpless and starts considering himself a failure and a reason for the chaos in the house due to his decision to get married. And the worst part is that he knows for sure that he will be torn into two parts. Because if he tries to keep one happy, the other one will get upset by default. Try to understand the dilemma of a boy who starts getting questioned by his own people in his own house?  Do you still feel marriages are easy for men?  

When we talk about equality, we always talk about how women are deprived and not treated right. Let’s continue women’s empowerment, but let’s not make boys weak. Let’s not make it difficult for them, let’s help them too. Let’s share their responsibilities too. Sometimes they too look for some support from other family members. And if someone can help them a little, then they will do everything to ensure that everyone is happy and everyone’s needs have been taken care of.

Yes, today I can say “MERA BHAI BADAL RAHA HAI,” but it is a good thing. He has to take care of more people. He has to ensure that his actions don’t end up making someone happy and someone sad. Change isn’t always bad. Change is beautiful and that’s part of our evolution. So, let’s change ourselves a bit if needed, and let’s be acceptable when others change a bit too.

Ending with a beautiful quote I read a few days back -

"आओ मिल कर ज़िन्दगी के कुछ उसूल बदल देते हैं, थोड़ा तुम चलकर नज़दीक आओ थोड़ा हम चल देते हैं।"

Thank you for reading!

Garima Soni

WORDS WORLD

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